Navigating Identity and Relationships in the Workplace

My first formal mentor, Cathy Sommerville, introduced me to the concept of image vs essence management.

Our image is who we think we need to be. Our essence is who we are, at any given moment.

If a person is thinking about themselves from the perspective of “I should be” or “I need to be”, this is image management, as they are comparing themselves to an image of how they should come across. When they let go of this and stop thinking about their self-image, they become present. More of the essence of who they are, and what is needed within the space created in the relationship, can come through.

This behaviour is something you might be able to relate to in your work environment too. For example, I started my career in corporate banking. When I quit this job to start my first company, I remember feeling a great sense of relief about not having to wear my corporate work clothes anymore. It wasn’t about the clothes; it was about feeling like I had to be someone I wasn’t every time I went to work. I had created this relationship with my work, because I feared I wasn’t good enough and thought I needed to appear a certain way to be successful.

How do our fears impact our ability to build relationships?

To manage perceived risks, such as being rejected, we can adopt an image to create a sense of safety, appearing and behaving in ways we think others will approve of. For example, feeling the need to dress in a way that we believe others will perceive as professional. While some of this is necessary, overly focusing on this image can hinder our authenticity, affecting our performance and job satisfaction.

If you’d like to consider this for yourself, I invite you to reflect on a recent experience that pushed you outside your comfort zone, like presenting to a large audience or introducing new ideas in a meeting. Did concerns about appearing "professional enough" dominate, or were you comfortable being yourself? The point here is not to dismiss professionalism but to avoid conforming to an image based on our own perceptions of others' expectations.

Upholding a mask is an energy-consuming task, and it creates a sense of disconnection from who we each are, our unique personality, creativity and humanity. This can create uncertainty or unease in our interactions with others, which means we struggle to build authentic relationships.

The question to consider is are you acting to uphold an image in areas of your work, and is this serving you well? Is it impacting your ability and confidence to build authentic and trusted relationships in your workplace?

🧵There are many threads here and we’ll keep pulling them throughout this newsletter series, unravelling the things that can hold us back from forming transformational relationships.

Next week, I'll share insights into becoming more authentic in your workplace.

P.S. This content applies to all relationships, however, we are applying it through the lens of building authentic work-related relationships.

Thanks for being on this journey!

Natalie Shaw
CEO @ OneUpOneDown